Monday, November 21, 2011

Ravi Shastri to retire from commentary after Sachin’s 100th ton

Yes folks you read it right. Ravi Shastri has announced his retirement. The voice you first heard 88 (some records place it at 126) years back, even before you heard your mother call out your name will now be just a memory.  The cricketing fraternity has been shell shocked by this announcement. We managed to speak to a few distinguished individuals. Here are some of the reactions we collated-

Sunil Gavaskar, ‘ What?? He announced retirement?? But he never consulted me? (Shocked look). Even last night when we were together, I mean last morning, he could have mentioned. What will I do during breaks, whom will I (regains composure after reporters raise eyebrows..)…share tea with during the break’. (Sobs inconsolably..and retreats….)
Nasser Hussain, ’ Well they were a few donkeys in the box, Ravi wasn’t one of them, he will be missed’.Harsha Bhogle immediately tries to rake up a controversy in twitter…’who are these donkeys Nasser mentioned? Well if he had mentioned asses, then some of us would surely qualify, but donkeys…I wonder…let’s discuss this on my blog,my new book, my xyz article, my videoblog,my new show, my toilet paper’(our article can only have 500 words…)
BCCI president N Srinivasan, ‘There has been no greater servant of BCCI…I mean Indian cricket, than Ravi Shastri. His self-endorsed, honest and unbiased opinions will be missed. We have decided to start the BCCI-Ravi Shastri School of Commentary for promoting unadulterated Indian cricketing thought.’
Arun Lal, ‘Sehwag is just magic…what hand-eye coordination..the Nawab of Najafgarh has done it again…he does take the attack to the opposition like no one does…( the reporters remind him that they want bytes on Shastri’s announcement)…oh yes, Ravi will be badly missed…like Sehwag’s tossed up off-spinners..he hardly bowls them these days..(Reporters get up and leave…)…
 Robin Uthappa ’What..??????he announced retirement..???Oh no, Ravi was the one who made me a household name. His Uthappa/Uthappam comment is still my ringtone. I have all the Ravi memorabilia, the t-shirts, mics, moustache, wig, even a signed Uthappam parcel bag. I even went to inaugurate a quite a few Uthappam joints in London with him. He was a genius, who loved his vada sambars and Uthappams of course….

 (For those who havent heard the legendary Uthappa comment!!!)
Murali Kartik , ‘Man finally, it was about time he did that. Even we need opportunities. I have already taken 178364891 Ranji wickets, can’t go on playing cricket forever right. High time these oldies retire from commentary so that we youngsters (?!?!?!) get a chance….’

Lot of mixed reactions there, but there was still an element of surprise in Ravi’s announcement. Why wait for Sachin’s 100th ton. Practically it had nothing to do with him. We caught up with the man himself for his view…’ Well I wanted to leave on a high. I have forever corrupt..I mean complemented the viewing experience of Indian cricket fans with my delightful comments…Dhoni’s  World cup six, Yuvi’s 6 sixes, Sreeshanth’s catch in the T20 final, Sachin’s ODI double century. I can’t leave just like that, I have to announce the great man’s 100th ton. I have already selected the line I am going to say, from my book of ‘ Shastri’s four quotable quotes’ . It will be legendary.’

And so the Indian cricket fan waits with bated breath for the inevitable..the last Shastri line. And as the voice fades, so will countless cricketing memories since 1929..or 1885…or is it 1797….we still don’t know.


  1. Just get a feeling this might go down the wire :-)

  2. lolzzzzzzzz............